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The Mirror We Don't Want to See

  ✍️ By Subhasri Devaraj

Image Created by Author


You know that moment when you catch yourself doing the exact thing you just rolled your eyes at someone else for doing? Yeah, that moment. The one that makes you want to crawl under a rock and pretend it never happened.

I had mine at Starbucks last Tuesday.

There I was, standing behind this woman who was taking FOREVER to order. She's asking about every single drink modification, questioning the barista about oat milk versus almond milk, wanting to know if the caramel drizzle is "too sweet." I'm checking my watch, tapping my foot, thinking "Lady, it's coffee, not rocket science."

My turn comes up. And what do I do?

"Hi, um... what's the difference between your cold brew and iced coffee? And is the vanilla syrup sugar-free? Oh, and do you have any pastries that aren't too dry?"

The universe has a sick sense of humor.

We're All Walking Contradictions

Here's the thing nobody talks about - we judge people hardest for the stuff we do ourselves. It's like we have these blind spots the size of Texas when it comes to our own behavior.

I judge people who are always on their phones during dinner. Then I realize I've been scrolling Instagram while my friend is talking about her breakup.

I get annoyed at drivers who don't use turn signals. Then I forget to signal while changing lanes because I'm singing along to Taylor Swift.

I roll my eyes at people who overshare on social media. Then I post a 15-story Instagram rant about my coffee being too cold.

The Psychology Behind Our Hypocrisy

There's actually a name for this - it's called the fundamental attribution error. When others mess up, we blame their character. When we mess up, we blame circumstances.

That woman taking forever at Starbucks? She's clearly indecisive and inconsiderate.

Me taking forever at Starbucks? Well, I hadn't had my morning coffee yet, and the menu was confusing, and I was running late because of traffic.

We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt but assume the worst about everyone else.

The Plot Twist That Changed Everything

Here's what shifted for me: I started asking "What if they're just like me?"

What if the phone-scrolling dinner companion is anxious and uses their phone to cope? What if the slow driver is being extra careful because they just got back from a funeral? What if the oversharer is lonely and social media is their only connection?

Suddenly, my irritation turned into something that looked suspiciously like... compassion.

The Mirror Trick

Now when I catch myself judging someone, I ask: "Have I ever done this?"

The answer is almost always yes. And if it's not, I ask: "What would make me act this way?"

Usually, it's fear, stress, sadness, or just being human on a Tuesday.

This doesn't mean we excuse bad behavior or stop having boundaries. It just means we approach others with the same grace we give ourselves.

The Beautiful Irony

The moment I stopped being so hard on others, I stopped being so hard on myself too. Turns out, the voice in my head judging everyone else was the same voice beating me up for my own mistakes.

When I gave others permission to be imperfect humans, I accidentally gave myself the same permission.

Your Turn

What's something you judge others for but totally do yourself? I bet if you think about it for five seconds, something will come to mind.

Here's the crazy part - acknowledging our hypocrisy doesn't make us worse people. It makes us more honest ones. And honestly? The world needs more honest people and fewer perfect ones.

Because perfect people are boring. Hypocritical humans trying to figure it out as they go? Now those are the people worth knowing.

What's your biggest "pot calling the kettle black" moment? Share it below - I promise I won't judge. (Well, I might, but then I'll remember I do the same thing and we'll all have a good laugh about it.)


📌 Disclaimer & Copyright Notice

Disclaimer:
This post is written from personal perspective and real-life experiences. No AI-generated text or auto-written tools were used in the original drafting of this content. Every word comes from an honest, human voice — just like a conversation with a friend.

Copyright Notice:
© 2025 The Heartlogue by Subhasri Devaraj. All rights reserved.
Unauthorized copying, reproduction, or distribution of this content is strictly prohibited. If you'd like to feature this piece, please link back to the original post and give proper credit.

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